i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Can I color on your dick again?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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