peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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