Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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