my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
