I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
