R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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