1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
