If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
