i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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