I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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