ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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