My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
