I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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