I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
zippers are such a cool invention
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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