You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
