ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
