I cockslap morals
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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