I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
