I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she peed on how many people?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
