Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
