I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Still dying that you shit outside
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
