so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
