I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
