I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
