I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
