Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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