Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
