You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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