finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
