there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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