Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
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