he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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