Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
