dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
love makes seman taste better
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
