dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
