seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
