smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
