Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
