North Korea, Best Korea!
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
