why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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