why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
