I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
