Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
