I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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