My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
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