Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Damn victory sex feels great
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
