Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
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Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
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There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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