We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
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Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Less talking, more tequila
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
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You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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