i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
