His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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