Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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