You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
