I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
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