How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
