Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
