Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
