I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
