Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
