if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just want to make out with him forever
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
