he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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