member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
