why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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