i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
