She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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