she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
