My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
