im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
