I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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