"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize