I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
its not stalking. its research.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
