I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
