I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
