I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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