Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize