I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
