Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
