Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just forgot I was standing up.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
