I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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