I am spending my child support on dildos
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
