i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
