mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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